I've had 289 calories so far today. It's about 3:00. I'm not going to eat until I'm sure my mom's not making some kind of dinner. A lot of times in the past couple days, I'll reach my calorie limit and think, "Well, I'm done." And then my sister feeds me a granola bar. Ya I really don't wanna go over 500. It's kinda scary. Ugh, I feel so bleh right now. I hate my tummy! It's so fat, and my thighs, and my hips, and my face.... The only thing I like is my arms, as I've said in the past, they're skinny and when I lose weight, I lose it in my arms first, then the rest of me.
I went back to my old posts and found that my start weight (since starting this blog, not since I first went ana), is 3.5 lbs lower than I am right now. Ya sort of depressing to think that in the half a year-ish that I began this blog, I've gained and not lost. But thinking more optimistically, I also grew 1.5 inches, so my bmi is actually lower now by 0.4. Cool.
I'm still sort of hating myself today. Ugh, why am I so fat! Even in Piggy's challenge that I mentioned before, all the girls have a bmi of like 18.8 and my fat ass put up my stats and at the time, I was 21.7. Ugh, I felt so insecure putting up my stats when all these girls are so gorgeously thin. Meh, the more I think, the more I hate myself.
I want to be like them!! So, I'm going to change the stats on the side bar. It will now include GBMIs and GWs seperately because a lot of my goals are meshed randomly. It will most likely help me stay on track. Yay.
LOL I'll probably post like ten more times before today even ends.
~ Cleosparks
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