Friday 29 June 2012
Sorry About That (REALLY FAST UPDATE)
I just wanted to say I was gone for about a week because of exams, but summer has officially started for me and you can expect lots of posts for about two months. :) I'll post again later today.
Thursday 21 June 2012
138.5
I didn't fast on Tuesday... or yesterday, or today. I've been away for a bit, mainly because of finals, but I decided to do a quick post today because I didn't wanna leave the people hanging.
Let me start with Tuesday. I was going just fine, and it was smooth sailing through my first exam with not a single calorie. Then after the exam (on which I got an 89% with no studying (; ), A couple of friends dragged me off to McDonald's where I ate so much food. It was so gross that I feared weighing myself yesterday... so I didn't.
Yesterday was much like Tuesday except I ate even more food. It's actually disturbing to think about really. I was truly disgusted with myself and still am I guess. I just wish I could redo the last couple of days and fix things, but hey, it is what it is.
So, I weighed myself this morning and weighed in at 140 lbs! I know! Gross! But then I weighed myself again after taking off my sweater and sweatpants and weighed in at 138.5 lbs. Oh thank the gods. That could have been so bad, but it turned out, miracles were working their magic for me to have lost weight after a two day binge fest. So, after I got home from school, I ate some ice cream. That's it. Just some ice cream. No more than 400-500 calories just to be on the safe side. That compared to my 2000-3000 calories the last couple of days is splendid. I'm sure I'll weigh less tomorrow morning and I'm really excited to see how much I weigh. I will definitely meet my goal of 136 lbs by July 4th. I can. I hope.
Untill next time,
~ cleosparks
Let me start with Tuesday. I was going just fine, and it was smooth sailing through my first exam with not a single calorie. Then after the exam (on which I got an 89% with no studying (; ), A couple of friends dragged me off to McDonald's where I ate so much food. It was so gross that I feared weighing myself yesterday... so I didn't.
Yesterday was much like Tuesday except I ate even more food. It's actually disturbing to think about really. I was truly disgusted with myself and still am I guess. I just wish I could redo the last couple of days and fix things, but hey, it is what it is.
So, I weighed myself this morning and weighed in at 140 lbs! I know! Gross! But then I weighed myself again after taking off my sweater and sweatpants and weighed in at 138.5 lbs. Oh thank the gods. That could have been so bad, but it turned out, miracles were working their magic for me to have lost weight after a two day binge fest. So, after I got home from school, I ate some ice cream. That's it. Just some ice cream. No more than 400-500 calories just to be on the safe side. That compared to my 2000-3000 calories the last couple of days is splendid. I'm sure I'll weigh less tomorrow morning and I'm really excited to see how much I weigh. I will definitely meet my goal of 136 lbs by July 4th. I can. I hope.
Untill next time,
~ cleosparks
Monday 18 June 2012
Dormant Weight
Yesterday, as we all know, was Father's Day :( ... Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but on special occasions, people tend to want to go out and eat. I don't know why. It's stupid. We should spend time together sitting around and reminiscing, not stuffing our faces. But, I guess all of the human race has a fat man mentality. So, I found myself sitting in Montana's with my mom, dad, sister and brother, stuffing my face. I ate like a cow. Disgusting.
So, this morning, I weighed myself. I was disgusted by what I saw on the scale. A shocking 141 lbs. Ya, I know, it's gross. I hated myself all the way to school and back. When I got home about thirty minutes ago, I weighed myself again, hoping the outcome would be better because I had only a slice of pizza for lunch. I smiled at the scale, still too heavy, but better than a pound and a half of gained weight. 140 lbs. Feeling depressed about the extra half a pound I would now have to lose, I took a shower and then pee'd. In a flash of hope, I went back to weigh myself in shorts and a t-shirt, 139.5. Admittedly, it's not as low as I hoped it would be, but now I could confidently say that my weight remained the same as yesterday.
So, now I sit here eating my last meal (hopefully) of the day at 4:22 pm. Two slices of bread and some honey with a cup of hot tea. I used to hate tea before I realised it made me lose weight faster. There's tip number two: drink your tea.
Oh! I almost forgot! The nineteenth of the month is tomorrow! I'm going on a twenty-four hour faster starting at 12 am tomorrow. I'm so excited and I really believe I can do it.
Wish me luck and thanks for reading,
~ cleosparks
So, this morning, I weighed myself. I was disgusted by what I saw on the scale. A shocking 141 lbs. Ya, I know, it's gross. I hated myself all the way to school and back. When I got home about thirty minutes ago, I weighed myself again, hoping the outcome would be better because I had only a slice of pizza for lunch. I smiled at the scale, still too heavy, but better than a pound and a half of gained weight. 140 lbs. Feeling depressed about the extra half a pound I would now have to lose, I took a shower and then pee'd. In a flash of hope, I went back to weigh myself in shorts and a t-shirt, 139.5. Admittedly, it's not as low as I hoped it would be, but now I could confidently say that my weight remained the same as yesterday.
So, now I sit here eating my last meal (hopefully) of the day at 4:22 pm. Two slices of bread and some honey with a cup of hot tea. I used to hate tea before I realised it made me lose weight faster. There's tip number two: drink your tea.
Oh! I almost forgot! The nineteenth of the month is tomorrow! I'm going on a twenty-four hour faster starting at 12 am tomorrow. I'm so excited and I really believe I can do it.
Wish me luck and thanks for reading,
~ cleosparks
Sunday 17 June 2012
Quick Post
So, this is just a quick post. Yesterday, or rather two days ago because it's currently 2:00 am, I ate quite a lot, but I still managed to drop half a pound when I weighed my self yesterday! I am now in the 130s! 139.5 lbs! Well yesterday, I ate a very small amount. About three quarters of a hamburger, and half a piece of cake. Yep. That's it. I have no idea how many calories that is, but I feel pretty damn good about myself! I can expect at least half a pound of weight loss when I way myself later today! :) I'm half asleep while I right this, so please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes.
~ cleosparks
Friday 15 June 2012
Crystal Light, Water, and Weight Loss
So, I weighed myself wearing sunshine shorts and a sleeveless shirt and I weighed... DUH DUH DUH DUUUUH.... 140 lbs! Yay! Ive lost a total of six pounds in eleven days which totals at around half a pound a day. So about 3.5 ish pounds a week. Hmm, interesting.
Well, anyways, it's about 11:45 am where I live and of course I haven't eaten yet (I've disciplined myself to never ever eat breakfast). So, I plan on eating breakfast in fifteen to forty-five minutes. I'm trying to slowly push back my first meal so that it will be easier to fast on the nineteenth (five days!). Ever since June 4th, I've been eating my first meal of the day at 12:00 pm on the nose, so I'm aiming for 12:30 today. I'm a little apprehensive to be honest. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Will my body immediately start to complain once it realises that I'm not on schedule? Will I get overwhelmed by cravings and binge? Will I have regretted waiting thirty extra minutes? Well, let's wait and find out.
On another note, I've already consumed 130 calories today. All of which were in fluids obviously, because I don't eat breakfast.
Hot chocolate: 120
Crystal Light (Love this stuff): 10
I weighed myself after I drank the hot chocolate and before I drank the crystal light. Actually, I'm sipping on the crystal right now.
I feel like I should disclose a tip that you've probably heard a hundred times, but it really truly works. DRINK YOUR FREAKING WATER PEOPLE. Really think about how much water you drink in a day. Lots of people only drink a glass. That's because those people are eating foods with water in them. If you cut out the food (fruits, meats, yogurt, even fast foods like milkshakes and cheeseburgers), your body is being severely deprived of fluids. Think of it this way. You need to make up for the lack of food you consume with an abundance of water! Make sense? No complaining! Start simple with two glasses of water a day. One when you wake up an one before bed. Then work your way up! Eventually, you'll want to get to anywhere from six to nine glasses of water a day. It works brilliantly! You lose more weight. You feel less hungry. Your stomach gets flatter. Trust me, if you drink water like you're stocking up for a trip across the Sahara dessert, you'll look like a freaking model after a couple of months, I guarantee it. Bored? Drink water. Tired? Drink water. Feeling restless? Drink water. Hungry? Drink water. You can thank me later.
Have no fear, my rant is over. :P But really, drink some freaking water people!
Talk to y'all later! Much LOVE!
~ Cleosparks
Well, anyways, it's about 11:45 am where I live and of course I haven't eaten yet (I've disciplined myself to never ever eat breakfast). So, I plan on eating breakfast in fifteen to forty-five minutes. I'm trying to slowly push back my first meal so that it will be easier to fast on the nineteenth (five days!). Ever since June 4th, I've been eating my first meal of the day at 12:00 pm on the nose, so I'm aiming for 12:30 today. I'm a little apprehensive to be honest. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Will my body immediately start to complain once it realises that I'm not on schedule? Will I get overwhelmed by cravings and binge? Will I have regretted waiting thirty extra minutes? Well, let's wait and find out.
On another note, I've already consumed 130 calories today. All of which were in fluids obviously, because I don't eat breakfast.
Hot chocolate: 120
Crystal Light (Love this stuff): 10
I weighed myself after I drank the hot chocolate and before I drank the crystal light. Actually, I'm sipping on the crystal right now.
I feel like I should disclose a tip that you've probably heard a hundred times, but it really truly works. DRINK YOUR FREAKING WATER PEOPLE. Really think about how much water you drink in a day. Lots of people only drink a glass. That's because those people are eating foods with water in them. If you cut out the food (fruits, meats, yogurt, even fast foods like milkshakes and cheeseburgers), your body is being severely deprived of fluids. Think of it this way. You need to make up for the lack of food you consume with an abundance of water! Make sense? No complaining! Start simple with two glasses of water a day. One when you wake up an one before bed. Then work your way up! Eventually, you'll want to get to anywhere from six to nine glasses of water a day. It works brilliantly! You lose more weight. You feel less hungry. Your stomach gets flatter. Trust me, if you drink water like you're stocking up for a trip across the Sahara dessert, you'll look like a freaking model after a couple of months, I guarantee it. Bored? Drink water. Tired? Drink water. Feeling restless? Drink water. Hungry? Drink water. You can thank me later.
Have no fear, my rant is over. :P But really, drink some freaking water people!
Talk to y'all later! Much LOVE!
~ Cleosparks
That Familiar Feeling
I did... OK yesterday. There was a moderate binge, but I didn't eat breakfast and had a smaller lunch. I hope I didn't gain weight or even maintain for that matter. It would really suck if I got thrown off schedule and couldn't meet 136 lbs by the deadline I set for myself (July 4th). So that familiar feeling of anxiety and stress when I'm not sure what I weigh is setting in again. It's good to be back!
On another note, I plan on doing a fast on June 19th. One full day water fast. June 19th is halfway between my start date (June 4th, 146 lbs) and my deadline (July 4th, hopefully 136 lbs), so I figured it would be a good day to test the waters and see how well I can handle a fast. I must admit, I'm scared that I'll just fuck up and binge and that would totally suck. I really hope I still have the discipline I had before.
So, finals are starting up for me next week Wednesday. I've missed the last three days of school due to a cold, and something tells me that their teaching some crucial things on days I'm missing. That would suck really bad because I'm fairly sure I'm not going to do very well in the first place. I haven't even started studying yet and I haven't made plans to at all. I know deep down that I'm not going to end up studying for these stupid exams at all. Whatever. I'm an honours student already so a couple poorly done exams shouldn't hurt that badly. Fuck it, I'm so beyond caring anyway.
Well it's really nice to be blogging again. I'll probably post again in a couple of hours as I have nothing I'd rather be doing anyway. My social life has ceased to exist ever since I pinned that socialization = consumption of calories. My blog is basically my best friend.
Much love,
~ cleosparks
On another note, I plan on doing a fast on June 19th. One full day water fast. June 19th is halfway between my start date (June 4th, 146 lbs) and my deadline (July 4th, hopefully 136 lbs), so I figured it would be a good day to test the waters and see how well I can handle a fast. I must admit, I'm scared that I'll just fuck up and binge and that would totally suck. I really hope I still have the discipline I had before.
So, finals are starting up for me next week Wednesday. I've missed the last three days of school due to a cold, and something tells me that their teaching some crucial things on days I'm missing. That would suck really bad because I'm fairly sure I'm not going to do very well in the first place. I haven't even started studying yet and I haven't made plans to at all. I know deep down that I'm not going to end up studying for these stupid exams at all. Whatever. I'm an honours student already so a couple poorly done exams shouldn't hurt that badly. Fuck it, I'm so beyond caring anyway.
Well it's really nice to be blogging again. I'll probably post again in a couple of hours as I have nothing I'd rather be doing anyway. My social life has ceased to exist ever since I pinned that socialization = consumption of calories. My blog is basically my best friend.
Much love,
~ cleosparks
Thursday 14 June 2012
It's Been So Long
It's been so long since I last updated. Like literally months. I missed this blog like crazy, but never fear, I have a pretty legitimate reason for having left. My parents. They found out about... everything. They read my blog. Every single word. They told me all this stuff about how anorexia is a disease and how I could die and all this stuff I already know. I felt like shit to be honest. They told me to shut it all down. I didn't.
I stopped posting, sure. But I made a promise to myself that I would come back. And I did. I'm back and I have so much to tell you.
Let me start with this; I gained weight. A lot of weight. I hadn't weighed myself in months, but when I stepped on the scale on June 4th, I found myself at an almost unspeakable weight. 146 lbs. I was disgusted with myself. I hated myself. I would do anything to get back down to the 136 lbs that I was earlier in the year. How had I fucked up so royally as to gain more than ten pounds. I had no idea I had grown this fat. I hated my parents for making me stop my anorexic habits. I hated the scale. I hated my life. I knew then that I had to go back. I needed ana.
I devised a new plan. I wanted to get down to 136 lbs in a months time. I wanted to loose ten pounds by July 4th. I stopped eating without a care in the world. I stopped eating breakfast. I slowly stopped hating myself.
I knew that I had to be more careful, I needed to do things slowly and take my time, or my parents would catch me again. I've permanently stopped eating breakfast and I'm gradually starting to exercise. I hopped on the treadmill for the first time in months on July 8th for a total of seven minutes. Horrible. I kept thinking about how ten pounds ago, I was able to keep going for two hours and not feel this tired. I was desperate to be that girl again.
Today it is June 14th and I have lost five pounds. Still gross, but not as gross. 141 lbs. With every pound I drop, I hate myself a little less. It feels good to be lighter. I know that if I continue to loose the way I have been losing, I will be 136 lbs by June 24th. I know, however, that it is unlikely that I will lose weight as steadily. Nevertheless, I will try as hard as I can.
I'm back guys. And I'm here to stay.
~ Cleosparks
I stopped posting, sure. But I made a promise to myself that I would come back. And I did. I'm back and I have so much to tell you.
Let me start with this; I gained weight. A lot of weight. I hadn't weighed myself in months, but when I stepped on the scale on June 4th, I found myself at an almost unspeakable weight. 146 lbs. I was disgusted with myself. I hated myself. I would do anything to get back down to the 136 lbs that I was earlier in the year. How had I fucked up so royally as to gain more than ten pounds. I had no idea I had grown this fat. I hated my parents for making me stop my anorexic habits. I hated the scale. I hated my life. I knew then that I had to go back. I needed ana.
I devised a new plan. I wanted to get down to 136 lbs in a months time. I wanted to loose ten pounds by July 4th. I stopped eating without a care in the world. I stopped eating breakfast. I slowly stopped hating myself.
I knew that I had to be more careful, I needed to do things slowly and take my time, or my parents would catch me again. I've permanently stopped eating breakfast and I'm gradually starting to exercise. I hopped on the treadmill for the first time in months on July 8th for a total of seven minutes. Horrible. I kept thinking about how ten pounds ago, I was able to keep going for two hours and not feel this tired. I was desperate to be that girl again.
Today it is June 14th and I have lost five pounds. Still gross, but not as gross. 141 lbs. With every pound I drop, I hate myself a little less. It feels good to be lighter. I know that if I continue to loose the way I have been losing, I will be 136 lbs by June 24th. I know, however, that it is unlikely that I will lose weight as steadily. Nevertheless, I will try as hard as I can.
I'm back guys. And I'm here to stay.
~ Cleosparks
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