Today was even more wonderfully successful than yesterday! I ate 1181 calories, successfully completing my goal of under 1300 calories! That's great and I still had a little over a hundred calories to spend.
Even though I was successful, I don't think I should really drop the calories by another hundred quite just yet tomorrow. I think tomorrow's goal will be under 1250. It really depends on how much weight I lost. If tomorrow I wake up and I'm 141 lbs still, then I'll lower the intake probably to under 1200 or 1100. If I'm 140 lbs, then I'll lower the intake to under 1250. If I'm under 140 lbs, then I'll keep it the same as yesterday so as to avoid a binge.
I think today's success was due to my healthier choices which let me eat more frequently because they had less calories. Yesterday I had three greasy and cheesy sandwiches and half a cup of ice cream. Needless to say, I felt like shit and wanted to binge a lot more.
Today I had one apple, one whole grain sandwich, one (actual serving size) bowl of cereal, two sunny side up eggs, and a piece of chicken. Less calories, but it felt like I was eating a whole lot more. Not to mention the fact that I went to volleyball practice for an hour and a half. Lovely day all in all.
And I can honestly say I've barely ever stayed at the goal I actually made for myself two days in a row before. But that's probably because the goals I had were much more severe than they are now; I'm talking like 400 calories. But still, if it's working then whatever. I just keep telling myself that failure is not an option if I want my future body.
On that note, wish me luck and that ends day two :)
~ Cleosparks
Tuesday 31 July 2012
Another Successful Day
A New Ultimate Goal Weight
I'm sure right about now would be time for the half-assed attempt to explain my absence. But, not this time. Think of it this way, I've been away for much longer periods of time than two weeks in the past. So, I've actually been getting better at reducing the amount of time I spend away from the blog. Haha, sure ya, let's think of it that way.
But, anyways, I did a little bit of what you could consider to be research two days ago. You see, I think I have an ultimate goal weight in mind. 120 lbs. That is what I'm striving for. 120 lbs would put me at a clean 18.5 bmi. Borderline underweight, perfect.
So, I have a theory. If I eat the calories needed for the RMR of my future 120 lbs self, I'll definitely lose weight. And, in theory, I should begin to maintain once I reach 120 lbs as long as I eat the amount of calories that my RMR suggests.
Well, all that is well and good, but, right now I'm sort of running a tight schedule. You see, yesterday I weighed myself and I was 142 lbs. Yikes. The goal is to get down to 120 lbs. That would mean I would have to lose 22 lbs. If I eat what my future RMR suggests, then I will no doubt eventually reach that weight... But it would take a while. I sort of want to be that weight on the first day of school. September fourth. Including yesterday, that only gave me 37 days.
So, in 37 days, I've got to lose 22 lbs. Well since today is day 2 and I've lost one pound, I have 36 days to lose 21 lbs. That means I will have to eat less than I planned and exercise more if I want to lose it in the amount of time I gave myself.
By the way, the RMR for me if I were 120 lbs is 1436 calories. So, yesterday's goal was to just stay under that amount. I succeded, I ended up eating 1337 calories. I also ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes and burned 300 calories. I woke up today one pound lighter.
Since yesterday was a success, I'm lowering my goal intake to under 1300 calories instead of under 1436 calories.
If I continue to lose a pound a day, I should get to my ultimate goal weight by September fourth!
Wish me luck!
~ Cleosparks
But, anyways, I did a little bit of what you could consider to be research two days ago. You see, I think I have an ultimate goal weight in mind. 120 lbs. That is what I'm striving for. 120 lbs would put me at a clean 18.5 bmi. Borderline underweight, perfect.
So, I have a theory. If I eat the calories needed for the RMR of my future 120 lbs self, I'll definitely lose weight. And, in theory, I should begin to maintain once I reach 120 lbs as long as I eat the amount of calories that my RMR suggests.
Well, all that is well and good, but, right now I'm sort of running a tight schedule. You see, yesterday I weighed myself and I was 142 lbs. Yikes. The goal is to get down to 120 lbs. That would mean I would have to lose 22 lbs. If I eat what my future RMR suggests, then I will no doubt eventually reach that weight... But it would take a while. I sort of want to be that weight on the first day of school. September fourth. Including yesterday, that only gave me 37 days.
So, in 37 days, I've got to lose 22 lbs. Well since today is day 2 and I've lost one pound, I have 36 days to lose 21 lbs. That means I will have to eat less than I planned and exercise more if I want to lose it in the amount of time I gave myself.
By the way, the RMR for me if I were 120 lbs is 1436 calories. So, yesterday's goal was to just stay under that amount. I succeded, I ended up eating 1337 calories. I also ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes and burned 300 calories. I woke up today one pound lighter.
Since yesterday was a success, I'm lowering my goal intake to under 1300 calories instead of under 1436 calories.
If I continue to lose a pound a day, I should get to my ultimate goal weight by September fourth!
Wish me luck!
~ Cleosparks
Monday 16 July 2012
Bleh
So I didn't post on the weekend, and you shouldn't expect me to post on the weekends at all. Mainly due to the fact that, I'm home alone on Moday through Friday and then everyone is home and crowding me constantly on Saturday through Sunday. I'm not going to risk blogging on a weekend because I might get caught... again. And then you won't see me for another three months or however long I was away for. So ya, no blogging on the weekend.
Moving on, for reasons that have yet to be discovered, my mom stayed home from work today. That makes not eating at least six times harder. The first thing she asked me when I woke up this morning was, "What do you want for breakfast?" To which I replied, "I'm not hungry yet." Even though I was hungry as hell.
So, now I'm camped out in the basement where I plan to stay in hiding until my mom forces food on me. Just freaking lovely. Also, I have banished the fainting spells by drinking a shit load of water every morning and just before bed. The fact that this prevents binging is just a very nice plus.
I just bought a new pair of jeans that just barely fit, and I'm determined to get a nice loose fit by August. I just keep telling myself that I was 130 once and I can do it again.
That being said, I have no idea how much I weigh, but I feel bloated which is never a good sign.
~ Cleosparks
Moving on, for reasons that have yet to be discovered, my mom stayed home from work today. That makes not eating at least six times harder. The first thing she asked me when I woke up this morning was, "What do you want for breakfast?" To which I replied, "I'm not hungry yet." Even though I was hungry as hell.
So, now I'm camped out in the basement where I plan to stay in hiding until my mom forces food on me. Just freaking lovely. Also, I have banished the fainting spells by drinking a shit load of water every morning and just before bed. The fact that this prevents binging is just a very nice plus.
I just bought a new pair of jeans that just barely fit, and I'm determined to get a nice loose fit by August. I just keep telling myself that I was 130 once and I can do it again.
That being said, I have no idea how much I weigh, but I feel bloated which is never a good sign.
~ Cleosparks
Friday 13 July 2012
Floating
I've been gone for quite a while. Sorry. Once exams ended, I found myself going out with friends on the regular or just sitting around the house, the last thing on my mind was weight-loss or pro-ana. It showed too. My weight went up. All the way up to 142 lbs. And that's what I weighed myself in on July 4th. It hit me hard since that was when I hoped to be 136 lbs.
I guess that day kicked my butt into gear. I didn't so much star dieting again, but I only ate when I was hungry and never before. I lost about a pound and maintained that until I'd say about two days ago. Once again, I was sick of being in the 140s and I started daydreaming about being the skinny one again. Believe it or not, back when I was 130 lbs, I was a lot skinnier than I thought. I saw a video of me and my friends yesterday from around January and I looked so skinny. I started to hate myself a little more yesterday.
And then the weirdest thing happened yesterday. For breakfast I had a sandwich as per usual, but then I just decided I wouldn't eat lunch. I just didn't feel like it. And then when my mom got home for work and suggested dinner, I was almost repulsed by the thought. It was so totally weird and so totally awesome.
I remember last night, how I went to the fridge with every intention of stuffing my face, but nothing was appealing. Nothing. I just didn't want to eat any food. It was like my mind and my body were simply confused. On one hand, my body was awaiting my usual nightly binge, but on the other hand, my mind just went, "meh" at every food I came across. I just didn't feel like eating.
So this morning, I lay in bed as I usually do for about two hours, reading a book (call me a nerd), and decided it was about time I got up and ate some breakfast or something. But when I got up, I got that blurred vision thing you get when you get up to fast. I was utterly surprised when it didn't go away. Suddenly I was lying on the floor and I couldn't remember falling but my arm hurt and I had a headache, which lead me to believe that I slowed my fall with my arm, but I still nicked the floor with the side of my head.
This strange falling thing has happened once before. I blogged about it. I was utterly scared when it happened, and I did my research and found out what had happened to me was that I fainted, but probably didn't black out. Instead of the panicky feeling that I felt last time, I just felt sort of... happy... this morning.
I know that it's so sick and twisted, being happy about fainting, but the thing is. I miss ana. I miss all the feelings. When I think back to last October all the way to around February. I can barely clutch the memories. It just feels like that part of my life was just one big dream and it didn't really happen. I want that feeling again. I crave it almost more than I crave being skinny again. Almost. Even when I go back to read old blog posts, I can barely remember having written them. It's all so weird, yet liberating. It's like feeling like you were just floating along for five months.
Back to the present, I weighed my self again after that fainting spell and came up at 139.5 lbs. Not as good as I would like, but good enough.
~ Cleosparks
I guess that day kicked my butt into gear. I didn't so much star dieting again, but I only ate when I was hungry and never before. I lost about a pound and maintained that until I'd say about two days ago. Once again, I was sick of being in the 140s and I started daydreaming about being the skinny one again. Believe it or not, back when I was 130 lbs, I was a lot skinnier than I thought. I saw a video of me and my friends yesterday from around January and I looked so skinny. I started to hate myself a little more yesterday.
And then the weirdest thing happened yesterday. For breakfast I had a sandwich as per usual, but then I just decided I wouldn't eat lunch. I just didn't feel like it. And then when my mom got home for work and suggested dinner, I was almost repulsed by the thought. It was so totally weird and so totally awesome.
I remember last night, how I went to the fridge with every intention of stuffing my face, but nothing was appealing. Nothing. I just didn't want to eat any food. It was like my mind and my body were simply confused. On one hand, my body was awaiting my usual nightly binge, but on the other hand, my mind just went, "meh" at every food I came across. I just didn't feel like eating.
So this morning, I lay in bed as I usually do for about two hours, reading a book (call me a nerd), and decided it was about time I got up and ate some breakfast or something. But when I got up, I got that blurred vision thing you get when you get up to fast. I was utterly surprised when it didn't go away. Suddenly I was lying on the floor and I couldn't remember falling but my arm hurt and I had a headache, which lead me to believe that I slowed my fall with my arm, but I still nicked the floor with the side of my head.
This strange falling thing has happened once before. I blogged about it. I was utterly scared when it happened, and I did my research and found out what had happened to me was that I fainted, but probably didn't black out. Instead of the panicky feeling that I felt last time, I just felt sort of... happy... this morning.
I know that it's so sick and twisted, being happy about fainting, but the thing is. I miss ana. I miss all the feelings. When I think back to last October all the way to around February. I can barely clutch the memories. It just feels like that part of my life was just one big dream and it didn't really happen. I want that feeling again. I crave it almost more than I crave being skinny again. Almost. Even when I go back to read old blog posts, I can barely remember having written them. It's all so weird, yet liberating. It's like feeling like you were just floating along for five months.
Back to the present, I weighed my self again after that fainting spell and came up at 139.5 lbs. Not as good as I would like, but good enough.
~ Cleosparks
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