Feeling Damn Good

Before I get on with things, I just want to apologize for the really epic post a couple of hours ago. ;) It was super freaking long, but hey I'm passionate on the topic and I was pissed off and partially delusional from my lack of sleep. Still am. I didn't get a single minute of sleep and I usually get 6-8 hours so right now I feel... like shit.
Also, at around 4:00 am (It's 8:30 ish right now), I felt probably the worse hunger I've ever felt in my life. I think throughout this entire blog, back to day one, I've never been so hungry, yet not craving anything. This was real hunger. It wasn't just that I wanted food. My stomach was basically imploding on itself, and I was just like, "'Ey yo, Stomach! Shut the fuck up!" I totally rejected it.
So I guess that not running to the kitchen and throwing myself in a swirl of cereal and guilt, never to return again, paid off. I weighed myself about half an hour ago and I'm 138.5 lbs! Yay, half a pound down!
Right now I'm super hungry, but I'm riding it out and waiting for the pills to kick in. They work pretty damn fast. Alright, tip time. This is how I've been keeping up these last two or three days:
1. Reverse Thinspo
Oh my gosh, looking at reverse thinspo is more effective to me than looking at regular, stick thin thinspo. With regular thinspo, I just feel bad about myself basically. But with reverse, especially the under 200 lbs more realistic kind, I just think to myself, If I binge, I could end up like this. Brilliant.
2. My Body Gallery
I already mentioned this one in an earlier post. Totally brilliant! Just look up girls with your height and UGW and just think to yourself, if I keep it up, I'll look like her.
3. Blogs
When in doubt, read pro-ana blogs. Read until you can't see. They're so inspiring, and I'm frantically searching for more and more active blogs to follow to keep up with the community.
4. Buddy
Get yourself a buddy. I personally don't have a buddy right now, but check out this. The tips are really lame, but the last time I checked, there are constantly people in the comments looking for buddies. And skip past all the Facebook hater comments and go straight to the actual site comments. Good luck!
Today's goal for me is under 500 calories. Haha yes big stretch from my goal of 1000 a couple of days ago.
Wish me luck!!
~ Cleosparks

138.5

 I didn't fast on Tuesday... or yesterday, or today. I've been away for a bit, mainly because of finals, but I decided to do a quick post today because I didn't wanna leave the people hanging.
 Let me start with Tuesday. I was going just fine, and it was smooth sailing through my first exam with not a single calorie. Then after the exam (on which I got an 89% with no studying (; ), A couple of friends dragged me off to McDonald's where I ate so much food. It was so gross that I feared weighing myself yesterday... so I didn't.
  Yesterday was much like Tuesday except I ate even more food. It's actually disturbing to think about really. I was truly disgusted with myself and still am I guess. I just wish I could redo the last couple of days and fix things, but hey, it is what it is.
 So, I weighed myself this morning and weighed in at 140 lbs! I know! Gross! But then I weighed myself again after taking off my sweater and sweatpants and weighed in at 138.5 lbs. Oh thank the gods. That could have been so bad, but it turned out, miracles were working their magic for me to have lost weight after a two day binge fest. So, after I got home from school, I ate some ice cream. That's it. Just some ice cream. No more than 400-500 calories just to be on the safe side. That compared to my 2000-3000 calories the last couple of days is splendid. I'm sure I'll weigh less tomorrow morning and I'm really excited to see how much I weigh. I will definitely meet my goal of 136 lbs by July 4th. I can. I hope.
 Untill next time,
 ~ cleosparks

Dormant Weight

 Yesterday, as we all know, was Father's Day :( ... Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but on special occasions, people tend to want to go out and eat. I don't know why. It's stupid. We should spend time together sitting around and reminiscing, not stuffing our faces. But, I guess all of the human race has a fat man mentality. So, I found myself sitting in Montana's with my mom, dad, sister and brother, stuffing my face. I ate like a cow. Disgusting.
 So, this morning, I weighed myself. I was disgusted by what I saw on the scale. A shocking 141 lbs. Ya, I know, it's gross. I hated myself all the way to school and back. When I got home about thirty minutes ago, I weighed myself again, hoping the outcome would be better because I had only a slice of pizza for lunch. I smiled at the scale, still too heavy, but better than a pound and a half of gained weight. 140 lbs. Feeling depressed about the extra half a pound I would now have to lose, I took a shower and then pee'd. In a flash of hope, I went back to weigh myself in shorts and a t-shirt, 139.5. Admittedly, it's not as low as I hoped it would be, but now I could confidently say that my weight remained the same as yesterday.
 So, now I sit here eating my last meal (hopefully) of the day at 4:22 pm. Two slices of bread and some honey with a cup of hot tea. I used to hate tea before I realised it made me lose weight faster. There's tip number two: drink your tea.
 Oh! I almost forgot! The nineteenth of the month is tomorrow! I'm going on a twenty-four hour faster starting at 12 am tomorrow. I'm so excited and I really believe I can do it.
 Wish me luck and thanks for reading,
 ~ cleosparks

Crystal Light, Water, and Weight Loss

 So, I weighed myself wearing sunshine shorts and a sleeveless shirt and I weighed... DUH DUH DUH DUUUUH.... 140 lbs! Yay! Ive lost a total of six pounds in eleven days which totals at around half a pound a day. So about 3.5 ish pounds a week. Hmm, interesting.
 Well, anyways, it's about 11:45 am where I live and of course I haven't eaten yet (I've disciplined myself to never ever eat breakfast). So, I plan on eating breakfast in fifteen to forty-five minutes. I'm trying to slowly push back my first meal so that it will be easier to fast on the nineteenth (five days!). Ever since June 4th, I've been eating my first meal of the day at 12:00 pm on the nose, so I'm aiming for 12:30 today. I'm a little apprehensive to be honest. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. Will my body immediately start to complain once it realises that I'm not on schedule? Will I get overwhelmed by cravings and binge? Will I have regretted waiting thirty extra minutes? Well, let's wait and find out.
 On another note, I've already consumed 130 calories today. All of which were in fluids obviously, because I don't eat breakfast.
 Hot chocolate: 120
 Crystal Light (Love this stuff): 10
 I weighed myself after I drank the hot chocolate and before I drank the crystal light. Actually, I'm sipping on the crystal right now.
 I feel like I should disclose a tip that you've probably heard a hundred times, but it really truly works. DRINK YOUR FREAKING WATER PEOPLE. Really think about how much water you drink in a day. Lots of people only drink a glass. That's because those people are eating foods with water in them. If you cut out the food (fruits, meats, yogurt, even fast foods like milkshakes and cheeseburgers), your body is being severely deprived of fluids. Think of it this way. You need to make up for the lack of food you consume with an abundance of water! Make sense? No complaining! Start simple with two glasses of water a day. One when you wake up an one before bed. Then work your way up! Eventually, you'll want to get to anywhere from six to nine glasses of water a day. It works brilliantly! You lose more weight. You feel less hungry. Your stomach gets flatter. Trust me, if you drink water like you're stocking up for a trip across the Sahara dessert, you'll look like a freaking model after a couple of months, I guarantee it. Bored? Drink water. Tired? Drink water. Feeling restless? Drink water. Hungry? Drink water. You can thank me later.
 Have no fear, my rant is over. :P But really, drink some freaking water people!
 Talk to y'all later! Much LOVE!
 ~ Cleosparks

I'm Sorry

 I'm sorry I keep not posting. I guess it's because I've been feeling less and less happy the healthier I get (as odd as that sounds) and I've been feeling sorry for myself among other things. I'm too scared to weigh myself as I'm sure I've gained weight since that stupid meal plan was started. Volleyball has got me eating more, but I know I can't blame volleyball for my excessive binging over the last seven days.
 Wow it's been seven days. I wish... I don't know. I wish I didn't abandon this blog for a week just because I was pitying myself because, truth be told, I do better with losing weight and restricting when writing my blog as oppose to when I'm not. Have I mentioned I'm sorry?
 I'm sorry if this post has been nothing but a jumble of incoherent thoughts. I'm sorry if all my other posts have been sad emo-esque depressing failures. I'm sorry if my posts haven't been up to par. I'm sorry if I haven't been very captivating lately... And most of all, I'm sorry for not having posted in so long. If it's worth anything, I haven't touched a computer since my last post, and not only have I not posted, but I haven't checked the blogs I follow either. I'm too sorry for myself, for any potential readers that I may have lost, for loyal readers that have silently been waiting, and I'm sorry... you know... for being sorry.
 Okay, I'm done feeling sorry for myself. It's time for some major changes. I've been skipping breakfast everyday I spend at home (I never spend a weekend at home as I have volleyball tournaments every weekend) and instead been taking diet supplements. But because I'm an idiot, to make up for my awesome lack of breakfast, I decide it's okay to binge when I get home. (Once again... because I'm an idiot.)So enough with that. No more binging.
 I'll post again tomorrow. I promise.
Wish me luck!
 ~ cleosparks

Easy as ABC

 I'm starting the ABC diet tomorrow. It is the most popular diet in the pro-ana universe up there with 2468 and SGD. Well, at least that's my take with this. I plan to complete as much of ABC as I can. Once I reach my limit and fail- I assume I'll do this within a day or two- I'll switch to my inverted version of the 2468 diet for 12 days and then try the ABC again.
 To start off with, the ABC diet is a diet that allows you to eat whatever you want in a day whenever you want as long as it stays under (or at) the specified calorie amount for the day. It is 50 days long.

ABC Diet

day1: 500 calories(or less)
day2: 500 calories(or less)
3:300 calories
4:400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

Yes, I know this is going to be hard which is why I've already come up with a back-up plan. When I fail, I will do my inverted version of the 2468 diet... my very own 8642 diet. In this diet you eat 800 calories one day, the next day eat 600, then 400, 200 and repeat. I'll do this three times (that's twelve days) and then go back to ABC. If I binge on an 8642 diet day, I will simply overlook that day and continue on as this diet is simply to help with regaining control.

Oh, on a side note... I weighed in this morning at 131.5 lbs.

~cleosparks

Week	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
Week 1	500	500	300	400	100	200	300
Week 2	400	500	Fast	150	200	400	350
Week 3	250	200	Fast	200	100	Fast	300
Week 4	250	200	150	100	50	100	200
Week 5	200	300	800	Fast	250	350	450
Week 6	Fast	500	450	400	350	300	250
Week 7	200	200	250	200	300	200	150
Week 8	Fast	Slowly return to a normal diet

Week	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat	Sun
Week 1	500	500	300	400	100	200	300
Week 2	400	500	Fast	150	200	400	350
Week 3	250	200	Fast	200	100	Fast	300
Week 4	250	200	150	100	50	100	200
Week 5	200	300	800	Fast	250	350	450
Week 6	Fast	500	450	400	350	300	250
Week 7	200	200	250	200	300	200	150
Week 8	Fast	Slowly return to a normal diet

So... Goal Weight One Reached!

So, this post is a bit more informative. I've finally put my stats up in the about me section! So, this is less "hey guys I'm too lazy to post legible material" and more "hey guys this is my plan and this is what I've done so far."
So. I suck at exercise. I can't do it. I hate it. But yesterday and the day before I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill and somehow lost a pound (which lead to reaching my first goal weight), and today I had volleyball practice which lasted 2 hours as usual. Usually before I would eat as much as I could after a practice, but today with my refreshed pro-ana mind set, I only grabbed a banana and that was it! I'm going to bed hungry which is always good.
I'm going to follow a new excercise regimen. This week I spend 35 minutes on the treadmill everyday I don't have practice on. I am limited to eating one fruit after every one of these sessions including volleyball practices (3 sometimes 4 days a week). Next will be the same except my treadmill sessions will be lengthened to 45 minutes. The week after 55. Then 65 and so on.
Along with this I will also try to eat as little as possible throughout the day and I must try my best to go to bed hungry. I should not under any circumstances go to bed feeling full.
WISH ME LUCK!
xoxox
~ cleosparks